lol, smokin tree with a stoner persian princess in the bathroom with candles and stuff, 
haha.  thats awesome.  like a pothead fairy tale or somethin.  something that should be 
in a book or something, heheh

i think im gettin some herb tomorrow.  i gotta be so careful in this county, tho.  if im 
caught HERE, its 6 months no question.  like dont pass go, dont mail a letter, go 
directly to jail.  scary.  so im also thinkin i should just order a .....damn.  the 
salvia shop is down for the holidays.  orders placed until they reopen will ship the 
2nd.  poop.  i was gonna get like an ounce of salvia.  or maybe a half and a bad ass 
bong.  hey, wow, it wouldnt be drug paraphenalia, then either.  kinda like if a person 
had a water bong and really did only smoke tobacco thru it!  lol, like they claim is the 
intended use in the stores.  cuz if they can sell it for smoking legal substances and 
salvia is a legal sage, then hell yeah.  no risk.  thats awesome.  i could even ask for 
evidence of thc consumption on it and they would have to test the pipe and not find any 
weed residue at all and i would get off on that technicality.  sweeeet, lol.  ill do 
that.  hahaha

anyway, i had another really awesome meditation tonight.  i tried to tell sid, but as i 
thought these sort of things are only understood by most trusted pathmates in life.  
john, maybe amir, maybe corey, and you definitely.  once before on shrooms, i meditated 
on the nature of conciousness, the SHAPE of conciousness itself.  how the perspective 
seems to be behind the eyes, but the actual MIND itself, not the brain, but the heart 
and soul are shelved in the chest.  and not one person is actually inherently existent 
as he is made up of many more defined parts to infinity.  each person then is actually 
just an assembly of many complex parts, relations, thoughts, ideas and hopes and dreams 
and toes and eyes.  and each one does all sorts of things in interaction with society.  
and ultimately those things can be determined good bad or neutral for society as a 
massive whole.  really LIFE as a universal, all encompassing ONENESS of life kind of 
WHOLE.  theres good karma and bad karma.  thats the only thing that matters and in 
reality, its the only thing that the world is made of.  each and every living thing is 
really just an assmelby of complex parts that perform acts of good karma and bad karma 
and its a mind bogglingly complex system of relations and friends and countries and wars 
and planets and galaxies full of life everywhere.  the eternal yin yang whirl of good 
and bad.  light and dark.  1 and 0.  existence and void.  and when i recognized this 
physicality of reality..  what it looked like from the angle of what i am made of, what 
all life is made of, and what ultimately is the effect of all our actions in this 
eternal play of life and good vs evil, which really came from an inward glance at 
myself, i was able to see my body for what it is.  i saw out my eyes, not AS my eyes.  i 
lifted my arm, not by instinct, but by concious deliberate action of voluntarily using 
my brain to contact the parts in my arm responsible for movement and contract them in 
just the right spots and amounts to smoothly, slowly, accurately lift my arm and waive 
it for my amusement.  then i saw this same potential, the same minds around me in the 
people i was watching the movie with (i was in a theater at 2:15am) and that they were 
really seated in their chest, looking out their eyes but thinking they are their eyes, 
are really just varying charges of positive and negative evolutionary progress of life.  
and i had extended my perspective to the perimeter of the room.  so i extended it 
further and further, i encompassed in real time the sheer magnitude of it all.  that 
people had to go to work and raise a family to make the carpet i stood on, they had to 
work for weeks and months to even erect the building i was in.  the weed was grown with 
great care by someone, the food tasted good, designed by someone to do so.  all these 
positive interactions of society producing all the forms of comfort and modern life i 
would ever come to enjoy or expect in life.  its all an ocean of karma.  good bad, 
swirling for all infinity.  the only point of a life's existence, the only true answer 
to it all is love.  good.  the squelching of evil and bad karma.  we are all but drops 
in a bucket, but if we all eventually choose to become warm at once, the whole bucket 
can boil with compassion and nirvana.  without the bounds of time, the only possible 
true way to live a life is completely and fully dedicated to positive karma and the 
destruction of all suffering with the most greatest of personal sacrifice.  because the 
important thing is there is no self.  not one single point of life is different or in of 
and itself alone and part of its own thing.  all life is equal and has the capability 
and the right to good and positivity.  so the only way to live is with 100% devotion to 
boiling the entire bucket with your warm heart and compassion and your good karma 
influence, even though you are just one drop in the entire universe of a bucket.  
because it is possible.  because good karma can florish and consume all and forever rid 
all existence of suffering.  what greater cause to live for?

all from just looking at what i am made of.  eyes, arms, senses, emotions, a brain, and 
a loving heart.

take care
-justin